Complications

I think I might be overcomplicating my PhD thesis. A section of Chapter 4 goes as deep as 4.3.1.1.2.2.

Further idiocy.

So after I got entirely fucked off by my banking issues, I got stitched again, this time by Condor Ferries. Fairly simple – I need to go to England this weekend to collect my motorbike. Simple enough – I need the Saturday morning Poole-Guernsey ferry, returning Monday morning Weymouth-Guernsey. You can book online, but to claim a student discount you have to phone them.

I sat on hold for a good 10 minutes until I was able to explain the booking I required. Having checked online that the service was available, I was told that they couldn’t accept new bookings because the Friday service had been cancelled and they were trying to shift the Friday people to the Saturday service before they took any new bookings for Saturday. They told me this with no apology, no sense of embarassment. Nothing. Thoroughly confused I hung up the phone. I returned to their website and tried the booking again, and it appeared to go through OK. I didn’t make the booking as I wanted to claim the discount.

So, I phoned a different reservations number listed on the website, which connected straight away (no hold) and she was able to take my booking, apply the discount and give me a booking reference.

So what’s the deal? My guess is that the person I spoke to on phone number #1 was due to finish at 5 and so couldn’t be arsed to take the booking and fobbed me off with the crap about accepting new bookings. Either that or I’ll turn up at the terminal on Saturday morning to be told it’s all gone wrong. Who fckn knowsit.

That’s it.

From now on, I’m keeping all my money/savings in a brown paper bag under my mattress. What is it with banks? You try phoning them, or asking them to arrange something, but anyone would think you were holding them up at gunpoint with some sort of fully loaded semi-automatic weapon.

Example 1:

My branch is in Southampton. I live in Guernsey. I have a cheque which I’d like to pay in, so I go to a local branch here and ask to pay it in. “Sorry, can’t do it, you need to take it to your branch.”

Example 2:

My credit card got declined trying to make a fairly substantial online purchase. Two days later the fraud centre phone me and make me confirm some details. When I say confirm, I mean they might as well have stripped me naked and done a full cavity search, given the extent of the very intimate details I was forced to supply, in addition to having the operator chuckle to herself as she recounted my last few transactions. When I asked her why the purchase got declined, I was told, in a scene reminscent of Little Britain “computer says no”. When I asked what she suggested in order that it didn’t happen again, I was told “use a different credit card”.

Example 3:

With my new job, I felt it was time to upgrade my credit card to a gold card. I phone the card centre number listed on my bank’s website: “You need to go and visit your branch because I can only open new accounts”. I explain I can’t due to it being about 150 miles away, and she suggests I phone them. Which I do. Branch: “Oh right, I see, let me put you through to the card centre and they’ll sort that out. ” [click] Card centre: “Oh yes, I see, you need your branch to confirm with us that it’s OK.” [click] Branch: “Oh, right, yes you’ll need to fill out an application for a brand new card as we can’t upgrade that one.”

to name but a few examples. In desperation, I phone a popular, branchless, electronic, internet-only bank who ought to be able to offer all the services I want. [click] “No we can’t do it because you live in the Channel Islands and you need to live in the UK.”

Morons. If you want to rob me, you know where my cash is.

Someone at Google needs the sack

Image: BBC

The legal department at Google are obviously not doing their job. Or it’s perhaps evidence of Google getting too big for their boots, thinking that with their size and value, they can ignore pesky limitations such as common law. But the release of their Gmail has been nothing but a headache for them, over arguments concerning the name of it. Trademark infringements have now been registered in both Germany and the UK, and whilst they’ve tried to shrug it off, it’s proving to not be that simple. And rightly so.

Although the IIIR group would obviously have taken a huge cash settlement, the fact that they’re standing up to the likes of Google is a good thing. Admittedly it’s all good publicity for them and any extra cash (rumoured to be in the 10’s of millions) would be a huge boost to them.

The case is obviously different to the problems of cyber squatting since the IIIR and the German company both have valid products using the Gmail name.

All this palava could have been saved though had the legal team at Google done a more thorough job on trademark/IP searches before allowing the use of the Gmail term.

From now on, all new UK users of the Google Mail service will have a googlemail.com domain instead of the standard gmail.com.

Stored Procedures

I started having fun with stored procedures today. In fact, before today, I had no idea what a stored procedure was, especially given my relatively limited exposure to the likes of MySQL and Access and the fairly facile uses of databases in the past. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done some technical stuff with databases, but once you’ve written one CMS, you’ve written them all.

Nope, today, the joys of MSSQL, stored procedures, and the delicacies of getting fulltext searching installed were explored, and by the end of the day I had rewritten several of the major queries used to search one of our databases. Was most fulfilling. What a pleasure UNION is.

(God, I’m a geek. I always knew I was, but I think I’m reaching new levels of geekdom.)

5 hundred and 12 big ones baby

It’s been a week of technological advancement I am-a-tellin-ya. First installing SP2 on my XP computers and patching/fixing/securing everything network round here. Then, my website got a thoroughly good seeing to over the weekend, not least including an upgrade to the blog software. And then to top it all off, the love of my life, my beautiful Sony VAIO has just had a large additional member inserted gently into her from beneath.

Yep, she’s no longer amply sized at 256… she’s positively buxom at twice the size at 512. And the price? £30 measly quid off eBay.

So it’s not quite the P4 3ghz / 1.5gb I have at work, but still. The difference here is already noticeable. Woop!

It’s official. Facial hair makes you look old.

I’m not old, just a wee nipper at a positively spritely 25. Have always been told I looked old, and most people would guestimate my age somewhat unflatteringly at around 28-29. In fact I’ve not had the indignity of being asked for I.D. since I was 18 (and the truth behind that was not for drink or even fags, but Loaded magasine, oh for shame… :p) yet today, in co-op, still aged 25, “I’m sorry I’m going to have to ask you for ID”. Shocked more than anything I duly obliged, and I believe she felt suitably embarassed as my driving license did indeed confirm the fact that I am 25. I assured her that actually no, her asking for my ID had NOT made my week.

So what is the link between this and my being asked for ID for the first time in almost 7 years? A few days ago I shaved off my trademark goatee beard. So I’m currently cleanly shaven; ultimately, no weirdbeard whatsoever. It’s not the first time I’ve done it, it’s not a statement of anything, it’s just that, now and then, I get bored of having facial hair, and shave it off.

But it seems that without facial hair it’s proven guilt of my prepubescence and is not such a good idea.

What can you do.