matt's debates
because matt's debating is not a crime
Archive for December, 2005
In view of the potential tube strikes in London, I thought I’d remind people to download the London Underground tribute. Bloody funny (and quite rude, so if you get offended easily, don’t listen to it!).
Minge Burgers
The latest Weebl and Bob is available: Ghosts. Without doubt the funniest one they have ever done. Watch it now (and wait for the cameo appearance from something that looks suspiciously like an ED209 of Robocop fame!
Microsoft wisdom
From one of the MSN messenger help pages, designed to explain to you why you might be experiencing slow transfer rates in MSN messenger:
Your connection speed depends on the type of Internet connection you have. If you use a dial-up connection to the Internet, your connection speed is slower than if you use a high-speed connection.
So, translated, they’re saying: “If you use a connection which is slower than a faster connection, then your connection will be slower than the fast one”. Genius!
Quandry
Everyone in the whole world knows that lesbians are brilliant. Two (or more) women, going at it. Top stuff. But today, I witnessed two lesbians (when I say witnessed, they were walking down the street in front of me, they weren’t hopping about scantily clad making panting noises)… but they were ugly. Real stonkers. A couple of heffyheffalumps like you’ve never seen before. And it made me question whether or not all lesbians were brilliant, or just the really fit ones.
Then it occurred to me… of course ALL lesbians are brilliant. Fit lesbians are fantastic, for obvious reasons. But by the ugly ones pairing off, it means there are more good looking straight women available for me.
The same is, of course, true for gay men. Although ALL gay men. In fact, the better looking the better. This is not because of some deeprooted closet fascination with poofs, you understand, but my thinking should be pretty obvious. The more blokes there are that mince off to be gay with other blokes, the better the male:female relationship gets for me.
The distinction is though, that whilst, I’d be all in favour of public spaces reserved purely for the expression of sapphic emotion, in as much nakedly graphical detail as possible (except perhaps the munters), I feel that the hommers really ought to respect civil dignity and conduct their actions behind closed (and locked and barricaded, preferably one-way, from the outside*) doors.
Maybe I should have a word with David Cameron and get this sorted as his first major task.
* Just the way they like it, I believe :p
A small annoyance
In Firefox 1.5, to put focus to the URL bar on my Mac, the command is Apple + L. Since I’m using a “designed for Windows” Logitech wireless desktop on my Mac, the Apple key is substituted for the Windows key. So at home, to put focus to the URL bar, the shortcut is Windows + L.
So what happens when I get into work, and use Firefox on my work computer? That’s right, I do Windows + L to put focus the URL bar everytime I want a new URL. But any Windows user will know that, in XP, Windows + L is a shortcut to lock the computer. So every time I try and get a new webpage, instead I get a locked computer. D’oh.
Something I never knew…
Hotmail has a .co.uk ending. I thought they were all .com. Shows how much I know.