Day 2

Doing fine. Yesterday was simple enough. Cold has gotten worse, and I’m fairly confident the cough is a combination of both cough and lungs hacking out the gunk. Couldn’t cycle to work, so feeling a bit fat. I’ve decided to put a quid away for every day I don’t smoke and use that money for something nice. (Similar to the put the money you’d spend on cigarettes away thing, but since I haven’t actually bought any fags in about 6 months (I’ve had a seemingly endless supply of duty free tobacco) I figure a quid a day is a good enough start.

License Agreement

Kinda hard to say no to really…

Petrolheads

On Saturday night, I was in London in the audience for the filming of an episode of new(ish) comedy quiz show, Petrolheads. Neil Morrisey is host, with Chris Barrie and Richard Hammond as team captains. It’s aimed at being a “Have I Got News For You” style quiz show in a car perspective, but it’s really more “A Question of Sport” in a car perspective. Moderately funny, and entertaining to see filmed. The usual routine is that whilst the crew and celebs are getting ready, we get the pleasure of a warm-up chimp, the type of idiot you’d expect on the Friday night at Butlin’s. In our case, we were told to give a biiiiiiiiigggg round of applause for the “brilliant” Rayyyyyy Tuuuurrrnnnnerrrrrrrrrrrr (“!!!”). Our instant reaction was “Whooooooooo?” Google is no help in finding him, and even though he repeatedly told us about his 20 years on the circuit, he’s nowhere to be found. He was humorous… though repetitive, and to be honest, I preferred Mark Little (aka Joe Mangel) keeping me warm when I saw The Weakest Link get filmed.

The guests on the show were John Thompson and Ferne Cotton, who is as tidy in real life as she looks “on the telly”. Thompson had an aura about him that suggested he really couldn’t be bothered to be there, especially when some of his jokes didn’t arouse any laughter from the audience.

We saw the final in the series be filmed, so it’ll be on BBC2, Sunday, 10pm in about 3 weeks, I think. Try and listen for me and my mates making silly laughs and whooping during the credits and clappy bits as it was the only way to make our marque on the show.

P.S When you see a joke by Neil Morrisey about Mark Thatcher and a big cat and a joke about the Pope and not thrashing his bulletproof car (both of which are not funny), then he had to do each one at least 3 times, because he kept fucking it up. Was probably the funniest part of the show.

The Quitter: Day 1

I quit smoking today. Cold turkey. Actually co-incides nicely with having a stinking cold so I wouldn’t have been smoking as much anyway. I still managed to cycle in to work though, which I think was a mistake. No, I didn’t do this because of the forthcoming ban (1st April in Guernsey). Yes I still think the smoking ban is a terrible idea. I’m doing it for two reasons: 1) I’m fed up of stinking. You don’t notice how much you smell until you quit, because whilst you smoke, you have no sense of smell. I’m bored of having permanent bogies. 2) I’m trying to get fitter. I’ve started to cycle to work, and in doing that, I’ve already started to feel physically stronger. I used to be pretty buff and toned. I’ve really let it slip and this is something I want to get back. Smoking affects you both physically and mentally – with all the tar and gunk in your bloodstream, I’m sure you’re mental ability decreases. And believe it or not, I’m quite intelligent. So I’d really like to see what happens if I can quit smoking.

They gone done it

Well well.. they did it. I’m certainly not surprised, in fact, why they didn’t do it sooner is beyond me. It’s been on the cards for so long now, that it was, frankly, inevitable.

To even try and explain just how fucking wrong it is would be a complete waste of my time. Everyone knows it’s a huge infringement of people’s civil liberties, but heck, who gives a toss, let’s do it anyway.

In fact, why stop there? They’ve banned smoking on the grounds that it’s a health risk for people working in pubs and clubs and so on. I cycle to work most days, and cycle through traffic jams whilst sucking in all the poison spewing out of the exhausts of the SUVs that mummy is using to take little Johnny to school and the Mercedes’ with the fat executives listening to Radio 4. I’m “doing the right thing for the environment” by cycling in, yet I have to inhale more carbon monoxide than you can shake a stick at (not that I’ve ever actually tried to shake a stick at carbon monoxide. I’m not sure how you’d do that.). Tell me that’s not a health risk. So when is the ban on cars coming in to force?

The simple fact is that people have a choice. You can choose where you work, you can choose where you drink. If you don’t like smoke, smokers and smoking, then don’t go to a pub. Out of all my friends, I’m the only one who smokes. And do we all sit in the pub enjoying a few beers? Of course we do. Do we like the slightly hazy, pretty rotten, stale and smelly atmosphere? YES.

The government is always on about trying to preserve the British way of life, to be proud of our heritage and maintain the image of the sovereignty and all that bollocks. If this is honestly true, then they’ve totally forgotten how integral the pub is in our society. (If you’re not sure, then watch that episode of Men Behaving Badly when The Crown gets redecorated).

Banning smoking will not get a lot of people to quit. In fact, I suspect it will make things worse. After the new 24 hour drinking licenses were introduced, initial stats showed a decrease in alcohol related crime. Hurrah! This was obviously going to happen. Why? Because when people get kicked out of pubs at 11pm having guzzled down 6 pints of snakey-b in three hours, it’s going to kick off. Now, people can leave the pub when they want – problem solved. So what have they done with the smoking ban? Forced everyone to go outside everytime they want a ciggie. More people, pissed up, out on the street. Gee whizz, I wonder what’s going to happen.

You’re a Cont-inuing source of Inspiration

British swearing makes it to South Park:
Clicky

Everybody should own one

Ever wanted your own Harrier Jump Jet? Well if you’ve got a spare £15k you can have one…
Witham SV Sales (lot 259)