Proof that Americans are stupid

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Why people smoke

Why do people smoke? What possible benefit is there? There is no benefit. It costs a lot of money, it’s stinky and it causes cancer. But people continue to smoke. Why?

Because they can. Because people don’t want to care about negativity. This is why the advertising will never work. We’ve all seen the horrific adverts all over the place that use scare tactics to try and stop people smoking. There’s the increased taxes, there are even the bans to try and stop people of smoking. In the majority of cases, none of it works. When I see the adverts on the TV, I think yeh, I shouldn’t smoke, but it doesn’t stop me smoking.

People don’t want to know about the negative side of things. People don’t care. Actually, it’s not that they don’t care, but they’re not bothered enough to do something about it. Subconsciously, they do react to certain things. For instance, when the government force the price of cigarettes up, they simply continue to smoke by spending less on other things. They substitute out of certain things so they can smoke. Elasticity. Interesting.

People are weak. If a change in lifestyle requires some sort of effort to change then it won’t happen. If you can simply ignore a problem then people will do that before making an effort to make a change.

Discuss.

Couldn’t agree more.

Well said that rat.

Rugby anyone?

If anyone fancies a game of rugby this weekend, let me know. Ipswich are desperately short of hookers.

And in football news, Ipswich FC have cancelled this weekends fixture. A dyslexic serial killer has murdered all their substitutes

Nelson Mandela joke

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, “You Sign! You sign!”

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, “You Sign! You sign!”

Nelson says to him, “Look, you’ve obviously got the wrong man”, and shuts the door in his face. The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson’s nose, yelling, “You sign! You sign!” Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: “Look, go away! You’ve got the wrong man, I don’t want them!” Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, “You sign! You sign!”
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him: “Look, I don’t want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?”

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:

(It’s a beauty)

(wait for it)

(Get your best Chinese accent ready)

“You not Nissan Main Deala?”

Small penis? Go Indian

If you’re struggling from a lack of endowment, as it were, then all you need to do is pretend your heritage lies in India and that for your culture, you’re actually massive. It seems like a better idea than having the op.

The Chair

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, “Using every applicable thing you’ve learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST.”

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn’t exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades … and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.

His answer to the question: “What chair?”