matt’s debates
because matt’s debating is not a crime
Archive for December, 2006
Rugby anyone?
If anyone fancies a game of rugby this weekend, let me know. Ipswich are desperately short of hookers.
And in football news, Ipswich FC have cancelled this weekends fixture. A dyslexic serial killer has murdered all their substitutes
Nelson Mandela joke
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, “You Sign! You sign!”
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, “You Sign! You sign!”
Nelson says to him, “Look, you’ve obviously got the wrong man”, and shuts the door in his face. The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson’s nose, yelling, “You sign! You sign!” Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: “Look, go away! You’ve got the wrong man, I don’t want them!” Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, “You sign! You sign!”
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him: “Look, I don’t want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?”
The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:
(It’s a beauty)
(wait for it)
(Get your best Chinese accent ready)
“You not Nissan Main Deala?”
Small penis? Go Indian
If you’re struggling from a lack of endowment, as it were, then all you need to do is pretend your heritage lies in India and that for your culture, you’re actually massive. It seems like a better idea than having the op.