The Internet is for Porn

OK, I know it’s really old, but it’s still really funny. Plus it reminded me about Ellen Feiss. OK, I know she was 14 at the time and it’s sick and wrong to think she was cute, but, well, she was. And judging by an interview at Macenstein, she’s still cute today, at the much more legal age of 19. Hurray for that.

For those not in the know, this is one of the many parodies of the Apple Mac “Switch” campaign – a series of videos starring ordinary people who for one reason or another have switched from using a PC to using a Mac.

Comedy genius

Wouldn’t it be great if this actually happened? No more murder, war, rape, burglary, politics, gas prices or earthquakes/hurricanes/freak storms. Just a nice simple day.

Enjoy.

You sir, are full of it

George Bush gave his annual State of the Union address yesterday. It had the usual “God Bless America” nonsense, the usual spiel and all the sycophantic applause, despite his approval ratings being at an all time low. The part that has narked me is his thoughts on global climate change. Take a moment to read what he very righteously said:

Extending hope and opportunity depends on a stable supply of energy that keeps America’s economy running and America’s environment clean. For too long our nation has been dependent on foreign oil. And this dependence
leaves us more vulnerable to hostile regimes, and to terrorists — who could cause huge disruptions of oil shipments, and raise the price of oil, and do great harm to our economy.

It’s in our vital interest to diversify America’s energy supply — the way forward is through technology. We must continue changing the way America generates electric power, by even greater use of clean coal technology, solar and wind energy, and clean, safe nuclear power. (Applause.) We need to press on with battery research for plug-in and hybrid vehicles, and expand the use of clean diesel vehicles and biodiesel fuel. (Applause.) We must continue investing in new methods of producing ethanol — (applause) — using everything from wood chips to grasses, to agricultural wastes.
We made a lot of progress, thanks to good policies here in Washington and the strong response of the market. And now even more dramatic advances are within reach. Tonight, I ask Congress to join me in pursuing a great goal. Let us build on the work we’ve done and reduce gasoline usage in the United States by 20 percent in the next 10 years. (Applause.)

When we do that we will have cut our total imports by the equivalent of three-quarters of all the oil we now import from the Middle East. To reach this goal, we must increase the supply of alternative fuels, by setting a mandatory fuels standard to require 35 billion gallons of renewable and alternative fuels in 2017 — and that is nearly five times the current target. (Applause.) At the same time, we need to reform and modernize fuel economy standards for cars the way we did for light trucks — and conserve up to 8.5 billion more gallons of gasoline by 2017.

Achieving these ambitious goals will dramatically reduce our dependence on foreign oil, but it’s not going to eliminate it. And so as we continue to diversify our fuel supply, we must step up domestic oil production in environmentally sensitive ways. (Applause.) And to further protect America against severe disruptions to our oil supply, I ask Congress to double the current capacity of the Strategic Petroleum Reserve. (Applause.)

America is on the verge of technological breakthroughs that will enable us to live our lives less dependent on oil. And these technologies will help us be better stewards of the environment, and they will help us to confront the serious challenge of global climate change. (Applause.)

Well gee, all of a sudden America are the stewards of the environment, confronting the challenge of global climate challenge. Why did the rest of the world realise this? If only there was some way that the whole world could bond together and act co-operatively to effect positive global action against climate change. Wow, I think someone should think up a protocol of some sort, I really do.

You can download the entire thing here: 24_01_07_sotu.pdf

Worst movies ever

According to an MSN Movies poll, the following are the 10 worst movies ever:

Here’s the Top Ten in full:

1. Spice World The Movie
2. Titanic
3. Grease 2
4. Waterworld
5. Hostel
6. Anaconda
7. Batman & Robin
8. Gigli
9. Catwoman
10. Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot

I was very surprised to see Waterworld and Hostel in there. They’re not great films, but there’s certainly a great deal of other films which are a lot worse. I agree that all the others listed are shocking films. I would probably have ranked Catwoman up there as the worst ever (saved only by the amount of time she spends in a leather jumpsuit).

Danielle Lloyd the Philanthropist

I don’t watch Big Brother as I actually have a life and things to do. I can’t think of anything more pointless. But you can’t escape the row over whether or not Shelpa Shetty is being racially abused in the house by the likes of Jade Goody and Danielle Lloyd. We all know that Jade Goody is a fat loudmouthed bint who, god help us, has further muddied our gene pool by having more children with dumbass boyfriend Jack Tweed. But Danielle Lloyd is a different story. She’s relatively unknown albeit she’s clearly as thick as the proverbial swine poo. Check out her website, and hear about her plans to make the world a better place:

I would to help those people less fortunate than others. I was given help when I needed it, now I would like to be able to help someone. One in four women has at sometime been the victim of domestic violence and it is not only women who suffer, sadly the children suffer too. Women’s Aid takes thousands of calls from women every year, but unfortunately due to being under resourced and of course severely under funded, last year alone 88,500 calls could not be answered. If I can help in any way no matter how small I will.

I would like to visit many countries and work towards helping those people less fortunate than others. We have so many children and parents who are living in poverty and have to beg, or work from a very early age just to be able to eat day by day. Surely everyone should be able to eat a meal and drink clean fresh water whenever they want. I know it won’t happen overnight, but if we can do something to make a start and put a smile on just 1 child’s face, it would be an achievement.

Magic. I wonder which part of her plans she’s fulfilling by referring to Shelpa as a “dog” and telling her to “fuck off home”. What’s interesting is that her myspace page has gone nuts with people thanking her for the add (i.e., adding them to her friends list)… which is weird, considering she’s in the Big Bro house and has no access to the Internet… but nevertheless in her little blurb, bless her, she says “I’m going in to the BB house so people can see the real me”.

Well, love, I think you’ve managed that. She’s not even that fit.

A Channel 4 insider said: “Racism is ugly but the viewing figures are beautiful.” No shit.

Maria Sharapova, on hearing…

… that I got my PhD and that I’m single.

Someone give her my email address. Thanks.

We are go for detox

Well why not. I’ve abused my body for long enough now that a little clean out is in order. No booze, fags, caffeine and for some reason this time no nuts or crisps. Bizarre. See you in 4 weeks.

Eek.