The Italian Tomato Garden

Italian Tomato Garden:

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie

Come on Stifler!

OK, so he might have put out our boy Andy Murray, but I’m still rooting for Andy Roddick over Federer in this year’s Wimbledon final. It’s not because I care particularly, but because he looks a lot like Stifler. And Federer is just a good looking amazing sportsman with a beautiful girlfriend and lots of money. (I’m guessing.)

So c’mon Stifler!

Andy Roddick	Steve Stifler

Stupid adverts. Poo at Paul’s.

I’m actually lost for words. People shouldn’t be allowed to make adverts. Glade, you should be ashamed of yourself.

It’s oddly captivating though.

Aerobics. Seriously.

“The Word Aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning ‘ability to,’ and bics, meaning ‘withstand tremendous boredom.’ This is the difference between a world-class marathon runner and a normal person: a world-class marathon runner has undergone sufficient aerobic conditioning that he can run for nearly three hours without falling asleep, whereas a normal person will quit after a few minutes and look for something interesting to do.”

(Dave Barry)

‘Nuff said.

Pure Gold scammery – scammees fight back

It’s not a new concept to fight the scammers, but it’s something I’d forgotten about. Sites devoted to the wonder of the 419 style scam are plentiful, but there’s none better than 419 Eater. Chock full of scammers getting a spoonful of their own, you could spend weeks and weeks on the site and not have finished reading. So I’ll save you a little time – the best I have come across is right here, entitled Busted!. Sheer genius for these reasons:

1. He gets the scammer to send him a hand carved picture of his own head
2. He gets the scammer to (at least pretend to) paint a mural of a fake book cover
3. He gets the scammer to re-enact the famous Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch, with Nigerian actors and everything
4. Tells the scammer directly, that he enjoys bestiality pr0n
5. Strings the scammer out for over 8 months (at least) wasting huge amounts of time

Shiver Metimbers, Sir, I salute you!

And on a related note: what happens when an eBay sale for an Apple Powerbook goes wrong. Wrong for the scammer, that is. You end up with a $550 debt and a P-P-P-Powerbook. Read it to the end, it’s worth it. What’s worrying, however, is the conclusion. (I won’t spoil it.) But seriously – anyone got any news?

Top work people. I’m seriously considering getting involved next time I receive a Father Brother Dr Dougal McMikeMatthew Dave wants to give you $8000m dollars type email.

I like simple humour

Who says jokes have to be long and complicated to be really funny?*

Genius.

* Nobody, actually. Not that I’m aware of, anyway. In fact, it seems, judging by the response of the people I have showed this to, I’m an idiot. Ho-hum.

Why being a grammar Nazi is a good thing

I frequently annoy the shit out of people for correcting their use of their English language. Spelling, grammar, your vs you’re etc. etc. ad infinitum. Heck, I even set up a website for it!

Most people ignore me when I do it, which is fine. But I present for you now “Exhibit A, Reasons for proper proofreading and good use of English language”:

family planning advice

Brilliant.