Aerobics. Seriously.

“The Word Aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning ‘ability to,’ and bics, meaning ‘withstand tremendous boredom.’ This is the difference between a world-class marathon runner and a normal person: a world-class marathon runner has undergone sufficient aerobic conditioning that he can run for nearly three hours without falling asleep, whereas a normal person will quit after a few minutes and look for something interesting to do.”

(Dave Barry)

‘Nuff said.

Pure Gold scammery - scammees fight back

It’s not a new concept to fight the scammers, but it’s something I’d forgotten about. Sites devoted to the wonder of the 419 style scam are plentiful, but there’s none better than 419 Eater. Chock full of scammers getting a spoonful of their own, you could spend weeks and weeks on the site and not have finished reading. So I’ll save you a little time - the best I have come across is right here, entitled Busted!. Sheer genius for these reasons:

1. He gets the scammer to send him a hand carved picture of his own head
2. He gets the scammer to (at least pretend to) paint a mural of a fake book cover
3. He gets the scammer to re-enact the famous Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch, with Nigerian actors and everything
4. Tells the scammer directly, that he enjoys bestiality pr0n
5. Strings the scammer out for over 8 months (at least) wasting huge amounts of time

Shiver Metimbers, Sir, I salute you!

And on a related note: what happens when an eBay sale for an Apple Powerbook goes wrong. Wrong for the scammer, that is. You end up with a $550 debt and a P-P-P-Powerbook. Read it to the end, it’s worth it. What’s worrying, however, is the conclusion. (I won’t spoil it.) But seriously - anyone got any news?

Top work people. I’m seriously considering getting involved next time I receive a Father Brother Dr Dougal McMikeMatthew Dave wants to give you $8000m dollars type email.

I like simple humour

Who says jokes have to be long and complicated to be really funny?*

Genius.

* Nobody, actually. Not that I’m aware of, anyway. In fact, it seems, judging by the response of the people I have showed this to, I’m an idiot. Ho-hum.

Why being a grammar Nazi is a good thing

I frequently annoy the shit out of people for correcting their use of their English language. Spelling, grammar, your vs you’re etc. etc. ad infinitum. Heck, I even set up a website for it!

Most people ignore me when I do it, which is fine. But I present for you now “Exhibit A, Reasons for proper proofreading and good use of English language”:

family planning advice

Brilliant.

Persist, and you might get free stuff: Lovefilm

I was a long time user of the Blockbuster mail order DVD service. For me, in Guernsey, it worked well enough, DVDs arrived promptly and I was pretty happy. Around the same time, I trialled the Lovefilm service (mainly, I think, due to a friend of mine doing one of those “Free iPod” style things, where you get friends to sign up for stuff, and you get a free, erm, iPod). And whilst the service was fine, I was perfectly happy with Blockbuster, so at the end of the trial I cancelled. But ever since, I have been plagued by emails from Lovefilm, begging me to rejoin the service, and chucking all sorts of carrots in my direction as incentive to do it. I never caved and simply deleted them all as they came in.

But I’ve recently been looking for a new mail order service. I’ve got a spangly new LCD tv, an a Blu-Ray capable PS3 and being a bit of videophile, I like real, actual DVDs rather than downloaded ones with people’s heads popping halfway through the important scenes, and Lovefilm does have a far superior selection than Blockbuster. So I figure fine, next time an email from Lovefilm turns up, I’ll go for it.

But, of course, after waiting a couple of weeks, no emails have arrived from Lovefilm, I had no copies of old emails from them, so I thought I’d try my luck.

What follows is a tale of woe and despair, highlights the problems of outsourcing your call / customer care center to non-English-speaking countries, but ultimately, through a little (sarcastic) persistence, has a happy ending. Kind of.

Read the rest of this entry »

Noel Gallagher gets some

I’ve actually got a modicum of respect for Noel Gallagher - he’s not a completely talentless bastard. Unlike his brother, Liam, that is, who is, by far and a way, up there amongst all time biggest wasters in the world (amongst the likes of Pete Docherty and Amy Winehouse). So, certainly, this chap my have improved his aim by decking Liam off the stage, but nevertheless, I feel Noel has done enough in his life to deserve it. Quality.

(it gets good around 1:50)

What I find particularly amusing is Liam doing his “big hard bastard” act giving it all the “YEH mate, I’m gonna twat you yeah eh?” business after the sizeable security staff have actually grabbed the guy and there’s little danger to Liam himself. If he was truly hard, he would have nutted him off the stage. Or hit him with a guitar, Keith Richards style:

No five minute break for these guys. That’s right, guy invades stage, Keith smacks him, everyone carries on. Oasis have got a lot to learn.

The New Star Wars Kid: Sky Sports Cricket Kid

Captured this beauty whilst watching finals day of the Twenty20 cup at the Rose Bowl in Southampton. Kent vs Middlesex, and one particular lad in the crowd enjoying himself a lot. Top work from the wee man.

New Star Wars kid if ever I saw him.