Everyone in the whole world knows that lesbians are brilliant. Two (or more) women, going at it. Top stuff. But today, I witnessed two lesbians (when I say witnessed, they were walking down the street in front of me, they weren’t hopping about scantily clad making panting noises)… but they were ugly. Real stonkers. A couple of heffyheffalumps like you’ve never seen before. And it made me question whether or not all lesbians were brilliant, or just the really fit ones.
Then it occurred to me… of course ALL lesbians are brilliant. Fit lesbians are fantastic, for obvious reasons. But by the ugly ones pairing off, it means there are more good looking straight women available for me.
The same is, of course, true for gay men. Although ALL gay men. In fact, the better looking the better. This is not because of some deeprooted closet fascination with poofs, you understand, but my thinking should be pretty obvious. The more blokes there are that mince off to be gay with other blokes, the better the male:female relationship gets for me.
The distinction is though, that whilst, I’d be all in favour of public spaces reserved purely for the expression of sapphic emotion, in as much nakedly graphical detail as possible (except perhaps the munters), I feel that the hommers really ought to respect civil dignity and conduct their actions behind closed (and locked and barricaded, preferably one-way, from the outside*) doors.
Maybe I should have a word with David Cameron and get this sorted as his first major task.
* Just the way they like it, I believe :p