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You're reading a really old version of matt-thornton's website. For example, if you're looking at the movie reviews... you'll notice that none of them are of recent films. Indeed, I leave them here for posterity's sake, but I doubt very much that they'll get updated anytime soon. So have a giggle.
You might, if you're lucky, find something recent from Matt at his blog matt's debates. Kernow bys vyken.
Constantine
the one line review:
a real wtf'er
the overview
Constantine is a beautiful seaside bay in North Cornwall with excellent surfing, and genuinely, one of my most favourite places in the world. This film, of the same name, is about heaven and hell and has Keanu Reaves awkwardly trying to get his soul blessed so he can go to heaven.
the plot:
Reaves is John Constantine, a fella who's job it is to send nasty demons back to hell when they try to break through to the real world. Apparently God and Satan made some sort of a wager where they'd have a bit of a fun messing up earth. Or something. Weisz seeks Constantine's help when her twin sister apparently commits suicide.
That's about as much as I could figure out.
the verdict:
This film is SO WTF it's unreal. You spend the first hour and a half watching them set up all the various stories and plotlines, and then if you're like me, you'll fall asleep and miss the crucial bits where it all gets resolved. That's right, I fell asleep, it was that shit.
Keanu Reaves is Keanu Reaves. He does exactly what he did in the Matrix. But that doesn't fit here. This film is a horrible mix of Dogma meets Blade meets The Matrix and it simply doesn't work. It's too twisted and confusing, with simply too much quasi-religious nonsense to make any sort of logical sense. Weisz is fit as ever in a role she clearly hoped would be the new Trinity. But it wasn't.
Unless you like sci-fi SFX religious hacks, don't watch this crap. Go to the real Constantine Bay in Cornwall instead, it's much better.
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